I’ve written and rewritten this post more times than I can count. The words just never seem to truly capture what I am feeling. Yesterday would have been our due date. Yesterday had things gone the way we wanted, we would be spending today holding our baby. I’ve spent many hours since August reflecting on how I feel. I’ve spent many hours questioning God and his intentions for our family. I’ve blamed him for taking our baby from us. I’ve blamed myself for “not being good enough.”
But today, the day after what “should have been” the best day of our lives I find myself thanking God for the opportunity to carry and love a child even if it was for only a short period of time. I find myself accepting that God needed my child more. I find peace in knowing that the first face my child saw when they opened their eyes was His. I find peace in knowing that my husband and I’s story isn’t over yet. Our time to be parents will come, regardless of what avenue we end up taking to get there.
❤️❤️ this one never gets easier unfortunately 😢 Maybe next year try to “celebrate” by doing something small. Every year on what should’ve been our two Angel babies due dates, we get a small cookie cake. You never forget the ones you lose and you will always know how old they would’ve been. I know nothing anyone says helps, but maybe it’ll bring you some comfort. Love you!