It didn’t take long for me to realize something needed to be done. I needed to talk to a professional. My feelings were too big for me to be able to handle them on my own. I needed to talk to someone that could truly help me to break down the way I was feeling and help me to handle my feelings better.
I walked into the office of the peer support counselor that was offered to us through my husband's work. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I wasn’t sure what the outcome of the session would be. All I knew was that it had to be better than where I had been.
I sat in the office and listened to him talk about the miscarriages him and his wife had. I felt an overwhelming amount of relief. He got it. He knew exactly what I was going through and how I was feeling. He would know how to help, not just because he went to school for this, but because he has lived through it with his wife.
He told me that my feelings were valid, that there was no timeline of how I should feel or when I should stop feeling the way I do. He told me that it was okay to be scared for the future.
One of the biggest things that stood out to me after our first sessions was that he told me to eliminate the word ‘should’ from my vocabulary. He said that the majority of the time that we say the word should it is followed by some kind of lie. I should have done this, you should have done this, etc. It’s a way to place blame on ourselves or someone else for a situation that was likely out of our control. It’s looking at the past and trying to fix something that has already happened.
The second thing that he told me I needed to stop doing was the negative and hurtful self talk. He told me that talking to myself wouldn’t make the situation better, it would only make it harder for me to move forward.
The last thing he told me was that there is no such thing as moving on. He told me that I would move forward, and it would become easier to talk about, but I would never “move on”.
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