It’s been a year since we saw our baby on the screen for the first time. A year since the ultrasound tech pointed out the movements that showed us that their little heart was beating. A year since I was the most joyful that I’ve ever been. A year since our dream of becoming parents had become a reality. Little did we know that all of the joy we were feeling would quickly be stripped away.
It’s been one hell of a year. I recently heard on a podcast that once you decide you are ready to start trying for a baby, you want that baby right that second. This couldn’t be more true. In June of 2021 when we decided to stop preventing a pregnancy I didn’t think that we would find out we were pregnant that next month. After having a miscarriage there is nothing that I want more than to be a mom to an Earth side baby. I will forever be grateful for the experience of carrying my little jelly bean for 8 weeks.
As we have continued to make progress in our infertility journey, including starting our first medicated cycle yesterday, I can’t help but feel a sense of calming and peace today. I thought today would be a tough day, sitting in the memories of a year ago, but I find that all I am feeling is hopeful that our first cycle on letrozole happened to start within a day of when we had our first ultrasound the year before.
There are still many unknowns, and many instances of wondering what will come of this month, but for today I will enjoy knowing that God has a plan for us, and to trust His timing of it all.
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