I’ve said it a few times that some days are good days, and some days just freaking suck! Today is one of those days. I didn’t want to get out of bed. Lately it doesn’t matter how much I sleep or how early I go to bed I still wake up exhausted. Today is my late day at work which means I usually try to get my workout done in the morning, but the truth is I haven’t worked out in weeks. I have no motivation, no desire to even try. I don’t see the point in working out when I feel as though my life has no worth.
I want to run away, to hide out and pretend that everything is okay. I want to shut out everything and everyone until I feel that I have my life back under control. I wish I could just run off to the mountains. Just drive to the top and look down at the Earth below me. Where everything looks like it's the size of an ant. Where I can pretend that all of the emotions that I am feeling are the size of an ant as well. I know that it’s going to continue to come in waves. I know that I could wake up tomorrow morning and feel great, but for today I feel as though I woke up in the bottom of a black hole with no way of climbing out.
Today I am tired of pretending to be okay. I’m tired of going through the motions of the day. I’m tired of fighting like hell and feeling like I have nothing to show for it. Today I don’t want to be at work. I don’t want to talk to my coworkers or my patients. I don’t want to worry about school work or making sure the house is clean.
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