My doctor told me that after the miscarriage that it was recommended to wait one full cycle before starting to get pregnant again. So we did. When that cycle began I didn't really think much of it because it meant we could start trying again.
Last Thursday my second cycle following the miscarriage was supposed to begin. This was our first time of seeing if we got pregnant again or not following the miscarriage.
Today, Monday, I have only had minor spotting, but no bleeding like a normal cycle. I finally talked myself into taking the pregnancy test. NEGATIVE.
My world shattered around me. I sobbed. I yelled. I questioned why my body wasn't "working like it should". I questioned why I was stupid enough to think that I would be able to get pregnant again that quickly. I questioned if I would ever be able to get pregnant again.
I let myself feel the way I was feeling. I told myself that it's okay to feel the way I feel. I told myself that it's okay to be sad and angry.
And now I'm telling you, that it's okay to feel however you are feeling. It's okay to be angry and sad, but it's not okay to be hurtful to yourself. And that, is what I am telling myself now. I'm not stupid for being hopeful. I'm not broken because I didn't get pregnant right away.
Comments