I remember telling my husband while I was pregnant that if something happened to our baby I wouldn’t make it through it and that I wasn’t sure I would want to try again. I was scared that the pain of losing our baby would be something that I would never recover from. I was worried that in the event of a miscarriage I would be too broken and too scared to go through the pain again to try for another baby.
Flash forward to today… We’ve been trying to get pregnant since October, and while the moment that the test says negative before my period starts is heartbreaking, I feel a little bit stronger in the moment each time it has happened.. I let myself feel the emotions of our “failed” attempt, which is typically crying on my husband's shoulder, and then I tell myself that this is a new beginning to the next cycle.
I use the term failed loosely when talking about us not being able to get pregnant because it really isn’t that we are failing, it just isn’t the right timing. Don’t get me wrong, I long for the day that the test shows positive again, but I know that one day it will happen.
It wasn’t until I had reflected back on the year of 2021 as a whole that I realized how grateful I was just to be able to have experienced being pregnant even if it had only been for a month. There are numerous people around the world that never get to experience being pregnant. For that I will always be grateful for my experience regardless of what the future holds.
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