August 20th, 2021 - Part I
Three days after we were told that we had a miscarriage we were right back in the office. We requested another sonogram. We had to know that something wasn’t missed before we made a decision to start the miscarriage process.
I laid there once again, getting yet another ultrasound. I was praying for a miracle, praying that there would be movement that would indicate a heart beat. She informed us that there was still in fact, no heartbeat.
We met with my doctor. She laid out the statistics for each option and walked us through the process from start to finish for both. If I chose the medication I would take two doses, 12-24 hours apart. I would have cramping and bleeding. I would have a risk of needing to come to the ER due to severe bleeding. If I chose to do the D&C there’s the risk and complications of anesthesia. There’s the risk of infection from having surgery, even if it is just a “minor” procedure. There was also the risk of scar tissue developing that could make it harder to get pregnant again in the future.
In the end my husband and I made the decision together to do the medication. We decided that the potential risks from the medication outweighed the risk of scar tissue and having to be put under anesthesia.
I knew that for my own mental health it would be better for me to go through the physical “pain and suffering” of a miscarriage. I worried that without experiencing it I wouldn’t be able to move forward properly.
Leaving the hospital, I felt numb. I felt scared. I worried that even though we had seen both ultrasounds that I was making the wrong decision. Most of all I was mad and hurt that this would be the last time I carried my baby inside me.
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